I’m tired, when will this end ?

I posted this in July but then I deleted it because I was so reluctant in sharing it, I felt so horrible about myself and a lot of other things, I didn’t want anybody to know how I was, so I just kept it all to myself. I checked and I saw it was in my draft and I decided to share it again, this time without deleting it. I wish I could hug the girl I was a year ago or a few months ago, and tell her everything will be fine.

I’m in a place I would not have imagined myself in, beginning of this year but I guess life happens and we don’t have control over some certain things. I don’t where this is going to but this is me trying to express how tired I am.

I’m in school, I don’t want to be in school, why am I in school? 😩 I had plans for my summer and this wasn’t part of it. Probably one day soon, I’ll come back to this, laugh and thank God but right now I’m blank.

I just really want things in my life to get better, so much better.

I have cried so much this year, so many reasons but one of the many was when my final year result for first semester came out and I saw I failed two courses, more so it was the same lecturer that taught both courses 😩 I was so sad and broken cause it meant I would have to come to school July/August to rewrite the exam which obviously wasn’t for free. I remember praying to God hoping it was some sort of mistake. I even hoped that I’d check my result again and see that it had changed. Haq Haq Haq, I went to meet the lecturer with my classmates with similar problems, but she wasn’t having it.

Unfortunately, that was my last hope…

I cried every day repeatedly for a week. I had to stop to prepare myself for the next semester the second semester, to avoid adding to the ones that were already there. It was so hard, I saw people around me happy and rejoicing about their results I wanted to be them so badly.

I remember talking to a friend of mine about it and then she said: “Eyi it’s a failed course, not a failed life, you’ll get to write it again and you’ll do amazing.”

I held on to that and I hoped for the best.

Never a failure, always a lesson – Rihanna

I know things will get better, I’m just really tired of the way things are right now.

Please check this, It does get better

Eyilayo ✨🍫